It started out innocently
enough. I began at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably, though,
one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone
- 'to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became
more and more important to me, and finally, I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix but I couldn't stop myself.
I began avoiding
friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return
to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are
doing here?"
Things weren't
going great at home, either. One evening, I had turned off the TV and asked
my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation
as a heavy thinker. One day, the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I
like you and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real
problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another
job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with my boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking...". "I know you've
been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But honey, surely it's
not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think
as much as college professors, and college professors don't have any money.
so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty
syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm
going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the
library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with the PBS station on the radio.
I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they
didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I
believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank
to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra,
a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today:: a recovering
thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting, we watch a non-educational
video; last month, it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how
we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my
job and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow,
as soon as I stopped thinking.
Anonymous, off the Internet